A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
