Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Randomize
