It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
