Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
