Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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