he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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