I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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