Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
