Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
bring money and cleavage
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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