also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize