PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
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He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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