Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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