omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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