Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
