proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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