First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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