I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
