I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
