Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
