just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
