Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
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She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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