He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
