she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
