Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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