You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
