I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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