I accidentally had phone sex last night
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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