I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
