The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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