i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
