Buhtt sex?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
