Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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