I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
