she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
