Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
