You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
