Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I understand Curling. That high.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Randomize
