Where is the hickey?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize