should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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