just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
