I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
