Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
