I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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