I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
