i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
