Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
