I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
