his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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