I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
