a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My life is pants optional.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize