I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
