so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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