I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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