dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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