there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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