theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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