wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
