girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
